Brandon's Blog

dangerguerrero: [dying]

Sun, 12 Aug 2012 15:55:21 -0400

dangerguerrero:

[dying]

2012 Gathering of the Juggalos propaganda video is fascinating

Mon, 16 Jul 2012 22:57:38 -0400

Danger already covered this on Warming Glow, but holy moly do I have a few thoughts…

- Haystack and Jelly Roll? TOGETHER?! (head explodes)

- Onyx, Warren G, Master P, and DMX appearing makes me sad.

- Illegal chop block at 8:52.

- I really feel bad for the girl working the desk at the Cave in Rock, IL Holiday Inn. She will have nightmares for years.

- Because my work firewalls didn’t block this, I got paid to watch this garbage. Thanks company.

The good thing about a job I don’t like is that I make...

Thu, 17 May 2012 18:29:07 -0400

The good thing about a job I don’t like is that I make time to design unlicensed Cleveland Indians shirts.

Infomercial of the year. Check out the feature at the 21 second...

Wed, 28 Mar 2012 22:57:30 -0400

Infomercial of the year. Check out the feature at the 21 second mark for the only 3 seconds of audio you’ll ever need in your life.

Opinions on The Walking Dead

Wed, 21 Mar 2012 14:40:00 -0400

Finally got around to watching the season finale of The Walking Dead last night. First, in all fairness, the second half of this season was WAY better than anything that happened since they left the field in season one. HOWEVER, I have some real issues with what’s going on and I need to rant to no one in particular.

First, this is well documented, but Lori is THE WORST. It’s a zombie apocalypse and you can’t keep an eye on your kid for longer than five minutes? The little shit already has a tendency to wander off and drum up walkers. Ugh, eat a sandwich and do some parenting you moron.

Second, how did Herschel manage to pump out around 50 shots from a double barrel shotgun without reloading? My wife thinks he had a backpack with ammo, much like a Super Soaker. Without another suggestion, I’ll side with her on this one. IRL, Herschel

Third, it’s a good thing no one in that group outside of Rick is a cop. They all have tremendous accuracy, even when shooting from a moving vehicle. I witnessed a 100% head shot kill rate. Amazing. If TV has taught me one thing, it’s that cops are horrible shots and random citizens have the marksmanship of Seal Team 6.

Finally, EFF the group of turning on Rick. Like they’re so great? I haven’t seen any of them bring any solutions to the table. Kudos for ending the “democracy”. GRIMES 2012!

Celebrity Apprentice jokes!

Tue, 13 Mar 2012 14:35:15 -0400

Celebrity Apprentice jokes!

Now this is an awareness campaign I can support.

Thu, 08 Mar 2012 13:32:36 -0500

Now this is an awareness campaign I can support.

Tumblr has chat?

Wed, 29 Feb 2012 00:46:23 -0500

The only reason I'm posting this is to point out Tumblr's wonderfully snarky Dialogue example...

Example
Tourist: Could you give us directions to Olive Garden?
New Yorker: No, but I could give you directions to an actual Italian restaurant.

MURK AVENUE: I FOUND ICE CUBES 'GOOD DAY'

Fri, 27 Jan 2012 17:05:46 -0500

MURK AVENUE: I FOUND ICE CUBES 'GOOD DAY':

murkavenue:

CLUE 1:
“went to short dogs house,
they was watching Yo MTV
RAPS”
Yo MTV RAPS first aired:
Aug 6th 1988
CLUE 2:
Ice Cubes single “today was a good day” released on:
Feb 23 1993
CLUE 3:
”The Lakers beat the Super
Sonics”
Dates between Yo MTV Raps air date AUGUST 6 1988 and the release…

Lifetime movie predicts the future, no other explanation will suffice

Wed, 25 Jan 2012 12:04:50 -0500

Damn it Lifetime, when I watch a made-for-TV movie, I expect authenticity. If you missed Rob Lowe’s performance as Drew Peterson in “Drew Peterson: Untouchable”, you missed a piece of cinematic history.

What caused me to pause the movie to rant (and annoy my wife), was the scene after his third wife’s body was found. Drew is playing basketball with his kids in the driveway. His youngest son is wearing a Derrick Rose jersey. Come on Lifetime! His third wife was killed in 2004. Derrick Rose was drafted by the Bulls in 2008. Rose was a high school freshman in 2004. The only explanation? Peterson’s son was a sports psychic!

He struck again later in the movie, wearing a Marian Hossa Blackhawks jersey, but I couldn’t find a screencap of that. Theo Epstein needs to get in touch with that kid yesterday.

Also…

Finally, a candidate who gets it. All Americans really want are...

Mon, 09 Jan 2012 13:32:41 -0500

Finally, a candidate who gets it. All Americans really want are mandatory teeth brushing legislation and free ponies that you must keep with you at all times.

Brit teen killed for being a witch. Welcome back to 1692, England!

Mon, 09 Jan 2012 11:15:52 -0500

I had no idea that being accused of witchcraft was still a thing. Let alone being killed for it. However, getting beaten for being a boy named Kristy, I get.

Kristy and his siblings had arrived in London from Paris to see the East London couple for Christmas. But Kelly, Kristy’s elder sister, said the trip turned sour when Eric Bikubi accused her and Kristy of practicing witchcraft and sorcery. Eric Bikubi also accused them of influencing his 3-year-old son.

“Despite her own siblings’ denials that they were sorcerers, Magalie Bamu joined her boyfriend in repeating these fantastic claims and participating in the assaults,” Altman alleged.

“They beat them, refusing to let them eat, drink or sleep for days while the punishments being meted out became increasingly violent, with them using many implements found in the flat as weapons of torture,” Altman said.

Bette Midler, Sarah Jessica Parker and Kathy Najimy could not be reached for comment, but they sure do look sad at the passing of one of their own.

Frowny faces definitely NOT added for effect

Attorney general to face questions in Fast and Furious inquiry

Thu, 08 Dec 2011 09:50:40 -0500

In Washington, the Attorney General is facing questions about Fast and the Furious, I think.

Mom who shot kids, self denied food stamps

Tue, 06 Dec 2011 17:04:00 -0500

Headline in Texas, “Mom who shot kids, self denied food stamps”.

I probably have the order of events wrong.

Seeking work? Alligator hunters wanted

Tue, 06 Dec 2011 16:30:14 -0500

Headline in Orlando, “Seeking work? Alligator hunters wanted”.

I may have the details wrong.

A Model. Idiot.

Tue, 06 Dec 2011 14:26:00 -0500

Fashion model and fashion website editor Lauren Scruggs stepped into the path of a spinning airplane propeller. There’s no real way to polish that turd. Friends say she may have been waving to the pilot for a job well done. Instead, she lost her left hand and possibly her eye. Let’s recap, this idiot WALKED INTO A SPINNING PROPELLER. Those things aren’t exactly subtle.

In lieu of any actual footage, I obtained an artist’s rendering of what happened. And by “I obtained”, of course I mean “I spent 4 minutes in MS Paint”.

I’m not sure why she was flying in a lemon with no back tires, or why the lemon appears to still be in flight.

Law and Order’s elusive Dick Wolf.

Thu, 10 Nov 2011 13:51:20 -0500

Law and Order’s elusive Dick Wolf.

At Penn State University, sexually based offenses are considered...

Thu, 10 Nov 2011 09:44:38 -0500

At Penn State University, sexually based offenses are considered especially heinous, unless you’re in charge. In Happy Valley, the dedicated administrators who investigate these vicious felonies are members of an elite squad, known as the Nittany Lions. These are their stories. DUNK DUNK

This is either the best marketing campaign ever or the worst...

Tue, 25 Oct 2011 14:11:42 -0400

This is either the best marketing campaign ever or the worst marketing campaign ever. Oh, soccer, I’ll never understand you.

I’m glad my local library is still teaching kids the...

Wed, 05 Oct 2011 21:14:03 -0400

I’m glad my local library is still teaching kids the basics.